Hedonism is the new Patriarchate

Hedonism is the only intrinsic good. Gaining any sort of pleasure is what drives life. All life, even if vegetarians tell us otherwise.

Women gain pleasure from shopping mainly. Sometimes sex. But still, mainly shopping. Celine store in Mount Street is the new orgasm.

Naturally, there are species (a sect of underground believers in patriarchate if you like) that by any means would love to spoil those moments (mainly through excessively deep breathing and rolling of the eyes) – they are called husbands and boyfriends.

When you work in personal shopping you get a chance to observe the above behaviors in its natural habitat (Dover Street Market/Matches/Browns). The Hs and the BFs hang around by the suede sofas, trying to snatch a seat, rather resembling the hyenas/non-specials fighting for the last free seat on the public transport with a pregnant woman.

They tend to engage in that fun activity of musical chairs right up until the point their beautiful, successful, wealthy other half (read better half) is asking the shop assistant to wrap each item individually. At which point the homo-sapien (I presume that what the Hs and the Bfs call each other in their smoking rooms. Either that or tigers and samurais.) and pays for all the individually wrapped items with a look of drastic loss on his face.

Obviously any woman can pay for her purchases herself. For example in 2010 30% of women were the main breadwinners, paying for everything from mortgages to horse-riding lessons for the twins to the retirement home fees for the mother-in-law. German ladies don’t let their partners pay for them in restaurants and the Russians excel in building their own business. Nonetheless, the Hs and the BFs still feel the need to hang around outside the shops with tired, wry and judgmental faces.

Even in those moments when inspiration covers us, like cigarette smoke, and the foretaste of how beautiful and sexy we are going to look in our new clothes, makes our hearts tremble, they break our dream world by strident remarks such as: "Why do you need another bag?"

A woman always gets a feel of guilt for satisfying her indulgencies. If you have a H or a BF you will never feel relaxed again. Bought your ninth leather jacket? You’ll get that little angel of guilt eating away at you every second. And it doesn’t matter if your guy owns thirty pocket squares, all exclusively purchased ‘made to order’ in Savile Row, you will still be considered the shopaholic on the verge of insanity.

Waiting around during long business meeting, tolerating their illegitimate children from some Ukranian exchange student/escort, ‘agreeing’ to buy that seventh 3D TV – it’s all considered ‘normal’. Shopping on the other hand is considered the height of hedonism and egoism.

Let’s however not forget that patriarchate died (sorry boys) when Madonna’s ‘Material Girl’ came out, and thereafter hedonism, narcissism and a new pair of Loubs every month became the norm, not an ‘indulgence’ or ‘deviant behavior’ for which you need to be stoned to death.